When should we tell the kids that we are getting a divorce?
There is no “perfect time” for this conversation, but this article offers tips about how to carefully choose choose when to tell your child about separation/divorce.
You say you want a revolution…
When people come to see me, it’s generally because they are seeking change. Something isn’t quite the way they want it to be: they want to grow, or help their child grow. That desired change?—it begins in the brain. Scientists used to think that brains stopped growing after a certain age, but thankfully we now know better. Modern neuroscience [...]
Feel, Felt, Found
A mom recently shared with me a handy mnemonic that reminds you what to do when your child is having a strong emotional reaction. The process comes from the same philosophies that I follow and teach, but improves upon them by being simple and easy to remember! We know the most important thing to do when our child is [...]
The kids who need the most love will ask for it in the most unloving ways
One of the first things I tell most parents that I work with is that behavior is a communication, and that understanding the message in a child’s behavior is incredibly helpful for changing those behaviors. To put it another way, something is behind or underneath unwanted behavior; triggering or motivating or strengthening it. Those hidden drivers are usually unmet [...]
Wallow with them!
credit: J. Sibiga Photography I love the word wallow. It's fun to say, plus it reminds me of two totally separate things: self-pity, and pigs in mud. I don’t know that I’ve ever heard the phrase used without one of those two things attached! Except, I often use the phrase at work in a way that is [...]
Are you going to let her get away with that?
True personal story: When my oldest daughter was about 8 months old, she got over-stimulated and grabbed an adult relative hard enough to cause pain. We pulled her off, apologized, went into another room and helped her calm down. About 20 minutes later, I apologized for my daughter's behavior again to my relative. Her response surprised me. She said: "Are you going to let her get away with that? Shouldn't you give her a little swat on the butt?"
Talking with your kids about the Connecticut school shooting
This tragedy is so horrible I almost can't bear it. My heart hurts, and I know yours does, too. And yet, we still have to keep going, because we are our children's first protector, explainer and comforter. So take a deep breath, send some love to those families, yourself and your kids, and then you can begin to help your [...]
10 ways to help your child develop a positive self-concept
A mom asked me on Facebook the other day for recommendations on how to foster a positive self-concept for her kids. I thought it was such a great question that I'm sharing my answer here.
One at a Time
Four year old Max isn't very good at picking up his toys.
Take a Deep Breath and Ask for What You Want
File this one under 'simple techniques, that, when taught & role modeled 1000 times, will produce life-long benefits for your child.' The scene: your 4 year old is upset because you have brought her the pink shoes instead of the purple ones. (How could you?!) Whining, crying, yelling and more fun stuff are starting to rear their heads.