When should we tell the kids that we are getting a divorce?
There is no “perfect time” for this conversation, but this article offers tips about how to carefully choose choose when to tell your child about separation/divorce.
You say you want a revolution…
When people come to see me, it’s generally because they are seeking change. Something isn’t quite the way they want it to be: they want to grow, or help their child grow. That desired change?—it begins in the brain. Scientists used to think that brains stopped growing after a certain age, but thankfully we now know better. Modern neuroscience [...]
Behavior is Communication–Video
The Arc of the Tantrum video has been hugely popular, so I've made another one. This one is on a topic I speak about in various ways all the time: Behavior is Communication. Click below for 2 minutes and 38 seconds' worth of coaching on understanding your child's misbehavior. (and see directly below for a rudimentary transcript.) Behavior is Communication, notes from [...]
Feel, Felt, Found
A mom recently shared with me a handy mnemonic that reminds you what to do when your child is having a strong emotional reaction. The process comes from the same philosophies that I follow and teach, but improves upon them by being simple and easy to remember! We know the most important thing to do when our child is [...]
The kids who need the most love will ask for it in the most unloving ways
One of the first things I tell most parents that I work with is that behavior is a communication, and that understanding the message in a child’s behavior is incredibly helpful for changing those behaviors. To put it another way, something is behind or underneath unwanted behavior; triggering or motivating or strengthening it. Those hidden drivers are usually unmet [...]
Wallow with them!
credit: J. Sibiga Photography I love the word wallow. It's fun to say, plus it reminds me of two totally separate things: self-pity, and pigs in mud. I don’t know that I’ve ever heard the phrase used without one of those two things attached! Except, I often use the phrase at work in a way that is [...]
How to deal with a puberty-crazed teen
A reader asks: "How do you deal with a tween or teen that you know is acting badly because of puberty mood-swings? For that matter, how do you even talk to a puberty-crazed teen? They usually don't make any sense." So how do you deal with a puberty-crazed teen? Very, very carefully. ;^) Well, I’m joking there, but it’s a good serious answer, too. Here are some thoughts to keep in mind when thinking about or interacting with your teenager or pre-teen:
Children and Funerals
# You are the best person to talk with your child about what has happened. You don't need a professional to break bad news--your child would rather hear it from his parents. (although YOU might feel better if YOU talk to someone first--practicing what you're going to say is a great idea.) # Don't hide the truth, and don't delay too long before telling your child pertinent details. # Regarding funerals, there are a lot of good reasons to allow your child to attend the funeral, including:
Helping Children Grieve
No parent wants to use the words "child" and "death" in the same sentence. But life doesn't always honor our wants. In the best circumstances we can introduce children to death gradually.
Q: What should I do when my child unbuckles his seatbelt?
Question: My child keeps unbuckling his carseat, what should I do? Answer: This is a great opportunity to fabricate a teachable moment. Make sure to do these things ahead of time: